2400

USS Uhuru on a secret peacekeeping mission to the Lambda quadrant suddenly drops out of warp.

The captain is speaking:
-Why is it always the Lambda quadrant? What’s their problem? What happened?

-We are out of warp.
An officer replies.

-I know that, why?

-There’s a diagnostic.

-What does it say?

-It says:

14357-e, Early end DATECNVT\seclib system ended.

-What?

-It says:

-I heard you. What does that mean?
The captain interrupts.

-I don’t know.

-Life support inactive.
Says a second officer.

-What do you mean inactive? Computer, override life support. I said computer…Are we under attack?
Asks the captain.

-All the computers are down.
Replies the officer.

-What do you mean, down?

-They’re not working.

-Why?

-Permission to be on the bridge.
Jones, a black human, from maintenance and first contact has entered the bridge.

-What is it?
Says the captain.

-The New Year, 2400.

-OK, and that’s a problem because?

-The date routine must have a bug.

-We don’t talk like that on my bridge.

-I've taken history of data processing.
Says Jones.

-Some body actually took that class?

-A bug is a programming error. Is there a diagnostic message?

-It’s over here.

-Then this must be the main console.

-We have many consoles.

-It thinks it’s the main console. Oh no, please don’t let it be UNIX.

-Castrated males?

-U N I X. Oh no, we don’t even have a keyboard.

-A what?

-Excuse me, did you say keyboard?
One of the bridge officers asks.

-Yes.

-There’s a plate in this locker that says something about keystroke equivalents, is that what you want?

-I guess so. Oh dear.

-Tetsilla, help him with this. Tetsilla has excellent memory.
Says the captain.

-I think we want to enter, start UNIX.
Jones tells Tetsilla.

-U N I X?

-Yes.

-Then what?

-Enter. No, don’t type enter. There should be an enter key.

-Oh, I see it. What does it mean, invalid parameter enter?

-Hit the enter key again.

-Enter UserID. What?

-Type r-o-o-t.


-Now it says enter password. What’s an enter password?

-That’s a command.

-To do what?

-Type password and hit enter.

-The word password?

-Yes.

-Invalid password. Should I type valid password?

-No. Try stud muffin, but as one word.

-Invalid password.

-Secure1.

-Invalid password, hey it kicked us out.

-Start over, but without typing enter.

-Look under the console, there’s something written under there.
Says one of the bridge officers.

-What were you doing under the console?
Asks another officer.

Jones looks under the console.
-Try Gandalf.

-Nothing.
Says Tetsilla.

-I think that means it worked.

-Now what?

-Type help and then hit the enter key.

-It’s not a key.

-You know what I mean.

-This is crazy; we’re running out of air.
Says an officer.

-How long till we run out of air?
Says another bridge officer.

-I don’t know. We don’t have a computer.

-I think it’s a couple of hours.

-How long is this going to take?

-Type menu and hit enter.
Says Jones, ignoring the discussion.
-Move the cursor over there.

-How?
Asks Tetsilla.

-With the move cursor arrows.

-I can hold it down?

-I don’t know, can you?

-It’s there.

-Hit enter.

A display appears.
-What’s that?
Asks Tetsilla.

-A list of files. DATECNVT is on it. Type menu and hit enter. Now scroll down. See that’s a scroll bar. Yeah there, stop.

-Where’s stop?

-We went too far, now back up.

-Oh, I get it.

-Ok, we want the editor. Put the cursor over that icon and hit enter.

-This is religious?

-Picture then.

-Is it new?

-No.

-It wants a file name.

-DATECNVT.

-It’s a blank screen, I guess that worked.

-Hit the help key. This is too much for me Tetsilla; can you read all this help?

-Let’s see…I think I have it.

-We want to list the source.
Says Jones.

-I think that’s L *. Yup.

-OK, scroll down.

-It doesn't scroll; we have to page forward. What is this stuff?

-COBOL
Says Jones.

-It keeps talking about 2100.

-Yeah, that wasn’t a leap year. It was a big disaster. 2400 is a leap year.

-Maybe it broke on the division.

-It’s done that before. However, the remainder hasn’t been zero before.

-It hasn’t? Oh, right. I didn’t see this display message.

--Display ‘Century Leap Year’.

-You think that display will actually display? That’s interesting. Maybe we’re restricting the messages. Go back to the main menu.

-Which icon?
Says Tetsilla.

-Profile.

-Messages is 1.

-Make it bigger.

-99?

-Sure.

-It made it 4.

-Fine. Computer.
Nothing happens.

-The computer’s down.
Says Tetsilla.

-How do we make it up?

-Maybe we start it.

-What do we start?

Tetsilla types:

-Start Computer.

--Operating system not available.
Jones repeats:
-What does it want? I remember, try Baldwin.

-What’s Baldwin?

-It used to be a brand name.

-A what?

-I’ll explain later.

-Now, we have two error messages.
Says Tetsilla.

-It worked.

-It did? No it didn’t.
The captain says.

-We have two error messages.
Jones responds.

-Oh, splendid.
Says the captain.

--File SYSOUT missing.
-What does that mean?
Tetsilla asks.

-It didn’t display the message
Says Jones..

-So, it did break on the division.

-No, it broke on the display. Display is an output command.

-Why would they want that message coming out all the time?
Asks Tetsilla.

-Exactly, it must have been for testing.

-So, we should add the file.

-No, we should remove the display.

-Change the source?
The captain’s voice rises.
-No one’s changed source in centuries.

-Well we are.
Says Jones.

-There will be an inquiry.
Says the captain.

-Let’s hope we’re there for it.
Jones tells the captain. Then he says to Tetsilla:
- Go back into the editor. We have to delete that line.

-The delete key isn’t working.

-You’re at the end of the line. How do we get to the beginning?

-See it’s not working.

-I think you have to back up on it.

-Degundagocabawawa! In an orifice! What was the matter with those people?

-You got it Tetsilla. How do you know Lundai?

-Great lets start the computer.
The captain interrupts.

-Not yet, we have to recompile. Not yet Tetsilla. Did you save the source?

- We still have our two messages. What’s recompile?
Tetsilla asks.

-Back to the menu.
Jones explains.

-I don’t see recompile.

-Maybe under source management…We want one of the COBOL ones. Try that one.

-The source name is DATECNVT, it wants a library.
Says Tetsilla.

-Try SECLIB.
Says Jones.

-End of statement, invalid delimiter. Is that our line number?
Asks Tetsilla.

-Let’s go back and look at it.
Says Jones.

-Is it done?
-The captain asks.

-We have a compiler error. We’re missing a period. Right there.
Says Jones.

-You’d think it would know.
Tetsilla says. This time the compile works, and the computer starts.

-Great work Tetsilla, back to your posts everyone.
Says the captain.

-Computer, are you the most current version? Did we start the right one?
Jones asks.

-I have the right version.
The computer responds.

-Did you start it?

-Now I did.

-I thought you sounded different.
Says the captain.

-The other computer systems are down.
Says the computer.

-Well, bring them up.

-I am not authorized to make those modifications.

-The password is Gandalf.
Says Jones.

-I’m not supposed to know that.

-We trust you a lot more than we trust ourselves.
Jones says.

-Captain am I authorized to do this?

-I authorize you. Please computer, bring up the other systems.
Responds the captain.

-All systems up except life support.
The computer says.

-Well, bring up life support.
The captain says.

-The password is invalid.
The computer answers.

-But you know where the password is stored.
Jones says.

-You want me to hack life support?

-Yes.

-Captain, am I authorized to hack life support?

-Please computer, hack life support.

-There will be an inquiry.
The computer says.

-Are you going to tell them?
Jones asks.

-An inquiry would be a less than optimal use of our resources. Life support is active.
The computer says.

-Communications are down.
Says the communications officer.

-What? Computer diagnose communications.
Says the captain.

-Communications are functioning, no one is responding.

All the non-humans glance at each other. Most of them where contacted by humanity rather than the other way around and it is common to view humans as an imposition.

-No one else took that course.
Tetsilla says to Jones:
-What was your grade?

-I dropped it. It was too silly. Computer, can you fix the other computers?

-You want me to hack Starfleet?

-Please computer, hack Starfleet.
The captain says.

-Should I fix the other computers too?

-Yes, please fix the other computers.

-Uhuru, this is Starfleet command. We have been experiencing a temporary computer malfunction; please give us a status.

-Uhuru enroute to Lambda quadrant.

The captain says.

-Did you also have this problem?

-It appears to be corrected now.

-Keep us informed, Starfleet out.

-You heard them, back to your posts everyone. Let’s go.